Inshallah

A month or so ago (and I still haven’t recovered from it), I was given an assignment that was akin to walking through a landmine. Ofcourse, I did not want it but I was the chosen one and I was also not savvy enough to get out of it. I knew it was a no-win situation but I vowed to do my best and call it the way I saw it rather than worry about how to come out with the least amount of damage. I had good intentions, I worked long hours with single minded dedication, sought input from everyone but in the end still managed to get my ass blown up! And what is worse, I was accused of the very thing I was took pains to avoid – compromising my integrity! Yet in retrospect, I did realize I was subtly influenced by someone with a vested interest, which was something else to kick myself about.

A week later I was given another assignment that I did not want but I put no effort into preparing for it, broke every rule in the book and sailed through with honors and won praise from people who are not typically generous with praise.

I have been noticing the all too human tendency to beat up on myself for the first incident and pat myself on the back for the second incident. A friend of mine accuses me of coming up with hallmark card-like phrases, but I think it is more from my love of mathematical equations reinforced by my primary teacher, Shinzen Young. So, here is one derived from something I read somewhere: ‘The extent to which you will kick yourself for failures is proportional to the extent to which you feel proud of your successes’. Wish, like Emerson, I could say ‘One to me are shame and fame’!

The other interesting aspect, that I cannot help but be amused about these two incidents, is that the outcome had no co-relation to the effort. The intention in both cases though was good. So, call it karma or call it ‘let thy will be done’ or Inshallah. (What are all these religions fighting about anyway?). Anyway, here is a poem by Rumi(stolen from Coleman Barks’ Soul of Rumi) on this topic:

Inshallah

Some people work and become wealthy. Others do the same and
remain poor. Marriage
fills one with energy. Another it drains. Don’t trust ways.
They change. A means
flails about like a donkey’s tail. Always, add the gratitude
clause, if God wills. Then
proceed. You may be leading a donkey, no, a goat, no, who can
tell? We sit in a dark pit
and think we are home. We pass around delicacies. Poisoned
bait. You think this
is preachy double-talk? Those who do not breathe the God
willing phrase live in a
collective blindness. Rubbing their eyes in the dark,
they ask, “Who’s there?”