Of bricks and walls

This is an old article that I never posted. Something made me remember it, so here it is:

Of bricks and walls
Last week I had a meeting with my manager. I was dissatisfied with the way my job assignments were turning out. My manager and the Team Lead were promoting a team member at my expense and in the process I was getting marginalized and constantly having to assert myself – something that doesn’t come easily to me. After weeks of stuffing my feelings, I decided to discuss it with him. News of my displeasure had reached my manager and he seemed to know what I was going to talk about.

The moment I opened the topic, my manager launched an attack on me pointing out what I could have done to prevent the situation. I realized he had some misconceptions about what was bothering me and I clarified. He softened somewhat but was still on the defensive. I clarified that I wasn’t blaming him or the team lead and I realized that the situation evolved in the way it did due to a variety of complex reasons but the bottom line was that it wasn’t fair to me. The manager was obviously biased since I was taking on one of his favorites who he had personally brought into the company and refused to see my point of view.

I left the meeting very disappointed and about to start the process of looking for a new job. But after venting my frustration with a sympathetic colleague, some objectivity returned. I remembered all the times my manager had stood by me and gone out of his way to support me and just because he was playing favorites now, I could not dismiss all the good things he had done for me and in all probability would continue to do for me.

As far as leaving the job as concerned, I sat back and realized that there were plenty of plus points still. Despite support from my manager and Team Lead, I had made my presence felt and was confident would be able to get reasonably satisfying assignments if not the best assignments. And given that I did not care to promote myself and suck-up to the bosses, no matter where I went, I would face the same situation where I would find some prima donna throwing his/her weight around. The choice is, and will be, between constantly competing with such people (and it is constant, for each interaction involves some power play) and playing the political game or staying out of such games and maintaining my integrity and peace-of-mind even if it means getting shortchanged.

Last weekend, I was reading a book by Ajahn Brahm intriguingly called 'Who ordered this truckload of dung?' where he talks about how he did not like a wall he built because of two bricks that were misaligned and someone pointed out the ninety-eight other bricks that were just fine. And I was reminded of this incident. So often in our jobs and relationships, we focus on the couple of things that are ‘wrong’ and discount the ninety-eight other things that are just fine. Remembering this hopefully will prevent us from needlessly running from job to job and relationship to relationship.